C25k week 2…challenging. the weather didnt cooperate on wednesday so I did the run in the afternoon instead of the morning…that was tough. It was very humid and hot. I had just eaten lunch too. I usually run on an empty stomach. But I did it and didnt quit. Today I was just tired when I woke up so I stayed in bed. I ended up running after dinner. The weather was nice and cool so that was good. I struggled a bit but I did it. I feel like I might need another day on the week 2 stage of it before I move on. Maybe sunday.

I ate decently this week. I had more fruit and less carby snacks. I had some sweets but not everyday and not in excess. I had starbucks this morning…they have calories listed on the menu now and so I know I didnt do well. I got breakfast there too so when I saw the calories I decided to get the lowest calorie choice (reduced fat coffee cake at 370 I think) and a caramel macchiato that was less than 280 because I got nonfat milk and the calories are listed for 2%. I wont be going for breakfast or any pastries there now that the calories are right there when I buy it. That really helps me.

I also lost a pound. I am 182.4 now. :)

So I didnt do too badly at the concert…I had a 24oz mikes hard lemonade, a hot dog and a very small piece of cheese pizza. And I danced a lot lol. My weight was up a few oz today but that is to be expected. But I think I did much better than a primantis sandwich would have been…we didnt get that because it was down too many levels and we would have missed part of the concert to get it. But it was better that way.

On a slightly different note…I felt really old there…most of the girls there were early 20s and dressed skimpily or just very fashionably…then there was me…I looked cute but in an older way lol. And i wasnt acting all crazy like they were…I guess being pretty much sober helped that too. But I think that was my last chesney concert…I just didnt like the big crowd of drunks and younger people acting crazy…and wow that sentence makes me sound really old. But I think that theres a big difference between early 20s and late 20s even though the age difference is not a lot…and add marriage to the equation and that matures you (or it should)…and also add being a christian and youve got a big difference. I was actually sad for the people there…cheering over drinking songs and songs about sex and other drugs…cheering about this stuff as it is makes life fulfilling when it doesnt. That is another reason I dont think ill go again. As a christian I still know how to have fun and lots of it, but it just isnt the same as what a lot of people think fun is. I dont need excessive alcohol, drugs or sex with random people to fulfill me, in fact it just leaves us wanting more…more of something to fill the void…but the only thing that fills it is Jesus and people dont know that until they give Him a chance…and that made me sad last night. There were moments when I said silent prayers for the people there because I was disturbed by the thought that they have no idea what they are missing in thier lives. I know that a concert is just a fun thing and that some of the people there were probably like me…there for the music and not the party aspect…I know that not everyone there was lost…but I looked around me and saw girls wearing next to nothing and guys hitting on everyone who would let them…I saw people being so rude to each other in their drunkenness and also people who were so drunk they stummbled around. I saw people cheering over songs about getting stoned, drunk, or laid as if they believe this is the way to live. It just made me sad…

I enjoyed a lot of it, dont get me wrong. Eli Young Band was good and id go see them again. Eric church is someone who I like a few songs but mostly he is not someone id ever want to see again…and I love kennys older music that was just about summer fun, love, memories, etc…his newer stuff is more of the sex and parties type themes…if hed stick to his roots, I would probably still enjoy his newer music.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on it…I know to most it seems prudeish or judgemental, but to those who have had similar experiences, I know you understand. But it doesnt really matter to me what people think of me…it matters how god sees me…

Week 1

So week 1 of my new goals….it wasnt a failure but it wasnt total success.
I didnt detox of sugar….I did cut back but I did have some cake this week…there was a bridal shower at work…but I didnt go overboard. I avoided the snack closet at work everyday except friday…I caved and had cookies…likely out of boredom. It was a very slow week for me…lots of kids on vacation. We also had chinese food for dinner at a work meeting and I had general tsos. I ate half and then had the other half for lunch the next day. I also didnt do yoga this week like I had planned…my upper back was hurting a lot so I skipped the yoga…I did it today though and wish I hadnt…I think I strained my neck during it and now it hurts a lot. Those were the downfalls of the week….here are the positives…

I did week 1 of couch to 5k…and funny story…I hit the wrong day on the app on wednesday and did a week 2 run without realizing it at the time…it was hard but I did it. I realized it friday when I went to do my run and it was on week 2. On tuesday I just walked and stretched since my back hurt. Thursday I was so tired I just couldnt get up so I took a rest day. Today I went for a short walk and did yoga. I think I am done with yoga for a little while though…it seems to aggravate my neck…I will have to stick to stuff that I know wont hurt me for now.

The new plan is to do c25k mon, wed, fri and do a jillian dvd tuesdays and thursdays. Saturdays I will go for a walk and stretch and sundays will be rest days.

A huge victory for me was my trips to starbucks…I went a few times this week with a caramel macchiato in mind and left with unsweetened green tea instead. I also was able to drink more than 90 ounces of water everyday.

So now for the weight….I think I was very bloated last weekend because I weighed 190. The next day it dropped to 186. Then 185, 184, 183.8 and today is 183.2. So the bloat is gone and I have a better idea of where I am starting from. I hope to be back at 180 in 1-2 weeks and then keep going.

But as for today…I have a kenny chesney concert to go to and I plan to indulge in a primantis sandwich…cheat meal here I come…but right back at it tomorrow.

I had my d & c on thursday…not fun…but I feel better now. Time to move on to healthy things and get my mind away from the mentality of “trying to have a baby”. We are just letting things happen and dont want to try to control it.

I am going to be doing a 2 day fruit and veggie fast. I will be allowing whole grain pasta or rice one meal each day. I just want to detox my body of all the sugary crap I’ve been eating and give myself a little reset in a healthier direction. So fruits and veggies it is tomorrow and monday.

I weighed myself this morning and I dont want to believe it…I ate late last night, had some brownies over the last couple days, probably some sodium filled foods, etc…however that doesnt account for a 7 pound gain. I was 183 2 weeks ago. Today I am 190. I didnt think I was eating bad enough to do that. But we’ll see what happens over the next couple days, especially by tuesday after I detox. Some of it might be bloat and from last night’s late dinner…at least I hope so.

Today should be a good day though. Larry and I are going walking at a park about an hour away. We have never been there and larry said there are lots of trails to walk and the one we will probably do is the 2 mile one. So we will get some exercise in. I already did some free weight arm exercises this morning. Then later tonight we are having our own 2 person bbq with kabobs, homemade potato salad (made a little healthier than most) and corn on the cobb with watermelon for dessert. It should be a nice relaxing day together…just what I need :)

I am also looking for ways to sneakily cut excess sugar from my diet. I found a reduced sugar cereal at trader joes. There is only 2 grams of sugar per serving instead of 10 or 12 like the other cereals we buy have. Also I am going to start buying plain greek yogurt and adding my own fruit or flavoring to cut out the sugar they use in the flavored kinds. I think trying to find alternatives to the sugary stuff will help, little by little. There is sugar in everything and that is totally unnecessary. I wonder how much weight I would lose if cutting sugar was the only thing I was going to do.

Monday starts the running and yoga plan…I’m excited to get back to it. :)

Off to the park

Today I tried having my 20 minutes of quiet time during my lunch break…I was just starting to relax when a coworker made a phone call in which she ended up having an arguement…and my relaxation ended. So I decided to sit on the deck after work. I stretched for a few minutes and then laid down on my lounge chair and just concentrated on my breath and prayed a bit. It was so nice. It helps that the weather was perfect and the neighbors have a pool and the sound of the water going through the filter is relaxing haha.

I also stayed away from the snack closet today and stuck to what I brought to eat. I am not the most prepared for the week with food so I didnt have the most awesome lunch but next week I will start that and I will also start the exercise next week. I have a D&C thursday and am hoping that means I will feel better soon.

Goals and a plan…

In my previous post I talked a little bit about my goals…for getting healthy and focusing on God and my marriage. I need to make that more concrete and to make a plan…so here goes.

1. God. Goal: to get closer to Him and know Him better by seeking who He is, not what He can do for me.
How to: 1. Spend time every morning reading or listening to the Bible and praying. Specifically thanking Him for His characteristics and for His presence.
2. Pausing throughout the day to thank Him for being there and loving me. Also pausing when thoughts of having a baby and anything that goes with the process come to mind and laying them down and asking for His help to trust Him in that area of my life.
3. Read “Honest to God”

2. My marriage. Goal: to have fun in my marriage and make sure hubby knows I love him and respect him.
How to: 1. be intentional about having at least one nice date night per month and AT LEAST 1 other one on one activity that same month. Date night would be something out of the ordinary: a concert, museum, zoo, amusement park, movie in theater, picnic, dinner out, etc. Other activity would be game night at home, walking, movie at home, cooking together, etc.
2. Be sure to text him every morning when I wake up because he seems to feel neglected when I don’t. (He works night shift)
3. Take $10-$20 of my personal spending money (I get $100 a month) each month and buy something for him- t-shirts, healthy snacks, good coffee, an extra date night, random things he says he needs or wants.
4. Don’t mention ovulation unless he asks even if I know that I may be ovulating…we don’t need that kind of pressure in our marriage…and if I feel tempted, see the God goal about trusting God with this area of our lives.

3. My health. Goal: get as healthy as possible…this has sub-goals…
Sub goal 1. Exercise 6 days a week.
How to: 1. Couch to 5k Monday, Wednesday, Friday before work.
2. Yoga Tuesday and Thursday before work.
3. Strength training Monday and Wednesday on my lunch break or at home while watching tv. Do 10 minutes on bike or walking to warm up and then do arms and legs combo exercises for 20 minutes.
4. Jillian on saturdays. Either 30 day shred or power sculpt.
5. Rest on sundays.
6. Walk whenever opportunity presents itself…at work with the kids or at home with larry. This usually will naturally result in at least 2-4 walks a week.
Sub goal 2. Eat as clean and healthy as I can.
How to: 1. Stay out of the snack closet at work. Come prepared with healthy snacks and a healthy, filling lunch for the day. Every day. Find what works snd stick to it.
2. No more caffiene. This one should be easy since I had cut it already when I was pregnant…this means no starbucks…period.
3. Cut sweets except for planned events or date nights. Remember: I can not have just a little and not want more. I am an all or nothing kind of girl. I have to detox and move on. And when the picnics and dates happen, choose one thing and then gather the strength not to give in to temptations from then on.
4. When tempted by the snack closet or other sweets, read labels. It is almost a guaruntee that I will find ingredients that I dont bring into my house.
5. When tempted, change the self talk from “I deserve this cookie…” to “be good to yourself…that cookie is not a way to be good to yourself. Choose to treat yourself right”.

Subgoal 3. Stress. Goal: find ways to release stress and to relax daily.
How to: 1. All of the above goals will help…so keep them going.
2. When the weather is nice, sit out on the deck for a while after work and just relax.
3. Sit in quiet for at least 20 minutes a day. Leave the tv off, no music, no facebook. Use that time to blog, think, read, or just sit.
4. Call a friend once a week.
5. Once a week, be by myself for an hour to do something refreshing. This could mean going for a walk alone, sitting outside alone, painting my toenails, going for a drive, watching a funny movie…anything I enjoy doing. This is beyond the exercise time. It has to be something that is relaxing, not heartracing (like running lol).

That about sums it up. A lot of this is stuff I am already doing but want to keep up. Other stuff is new or being resurrected into my life. The best way to sum up these goals is to say that I want to become healthier in all aspects of my life so that I can be a better wife, future mother (God willing), friend, daughter, overall person.

Moving on again

Well, I am no longer pregnant again…another blighted ovum. I am dealing with it ok. I have God’s peace.

I have thought about how to handle this moving forward and I think theres only 1 way that would be benefical. 3 steps…1. Focus on God. 2. Focus on my relationship with Larry. 3. Focus on being as healthy as I can be,

The first 2 can be started right now. The third can be half way started right now. I am still in the process of passing stuff and so I am a bit uncomfortable. I have a d & c on thursday that should clear everything out and get me feeling back to normal again. After that I am going to start running again. It was the fastest way that I ever saw good changes in my body and it helped with stress. I also want to incorporate yoga into my weekly routine.

I will be doing the couch to 5k plan but will likely modify it along the way because there were parts of it that made it a difficult plan for me in the later weeks of of it. But I have an app on my phone for it and other plans I have liked dont have apps. So it is pure laziness…I dont want to have to think about my intervals. I just want to be told when to walk and run.

Couch to 5k is a 3 day per week program and I plan to do 2 days a week of yoga and one day a week of weights/strength and of course one day per week to rest. I did this before and found it to be pretty effective for me.

As for food, I have an awful sugar addiction that I have struggled with for years…I need to get it under control. I think I need to go cold turkey. I cant seem to just have a little without wanting more. It cant be helping my fertility. I have been googling natural ways to balance hormones and the biggest things I find are these:
1.manage stress…go for walks, do yoga, read, meditate, pray, etc…whatever it takes to relax.
2. Exercise regularly.
3. Eat a balanced diet of lots of fruits, veggies, and protein. Stay away from sugar, caffiene and processed foods.
4. Get enough sleep.
5. Drink enough water.

So basically, get yourself healthy overall…

I have been pregnant 3 times since july 2012…my hormones are probably a bit out of whack with all the changes that pregnancy brings. And maybe it is contributing to my miscarriages….I’m not a doctor but it makes sense to me. So this is my plan…if it doesnt work and I lose another, I will go for testing and see if anything else is wrong. I doubt there is…they say I am healthy and I know larry is healthier than I am. But I know that there are things that could be wrong under the surface…but right now I want a mental break from it all and so I am choosing not to go to the specialists just yet…plus they said my chemical pregnancy is january doesnt count towards the 3 necessary to get tested but then they forgot they said that and now they count it….so who knows….all I know is that god is in control and that I can do what I can to try to improve my health…and that never hurts anything.

What a long day…the kids at work were extra tough and aggressive and whiney and loud today…I know they are just babies but they irritated me today. Who knew one year olds could be so aggressive with each other all the time…pulling hair, intentionally climbing on each other, biting, hitting…all…day…long. I have a tough group right now…lots of boys…and it was a hard day…I’m getting more and more tired no matter what I do…I am starting to get headaches too which is why the whiney and loud part bothered me. And I am finding myself to be more easily irritated. It made me wonder how in the world I am going to be able to do this when I have my baby. How am I going to be able to go to work and take care of 8 babies who arent my own and then go home and have the energy to be a good wife and mom all night? How will I be up all night with feedings and still go to work the next day to take care of other people’s kids…I know people do this all the time…I know that moms work…I know that there are tons of moms who work in daycare…I work with a couple new moms right now…so I know it can be done…it just freaks me out…I have no energy right now…so to think that in 8 months I will come home feeling this way and have a baby on top of it kinda scares me a little. I want to be a good mom and a good wife…I just hope I can do it. I hope that I am blessed with a child who will sleep through the night…or blessed with my student loans miraculously being gone so I dont have to work…or blessed with a job that allows me to be with my baby and still work, but where I set the terms…I know I’m just having a moment right now…I know itll all be worth it in the end…and the sad thing right now is that I am so tired in this very moment that I dont even want to make my super easy dinner…it is salad…salad…cut up a few veggies and throw it together….and I am too tired for that….ugh…

Another 2 week wait

Well it appears as if I am not as far along as the drs thought based on my last period. My ultrasound today showed an embryonic sac and a yolk sac but nothing else. The yolk sac was really small too. So they think I’m 5 weeks instead of 6. I am getting a blood test tomorrow to reassure me that my levels are still going up and then I have another ultrasound in 2 weeks…so for now, trying to relax and keep busy while I wait.

Tomorrow is my first ultrasound…I’m a bit nervous but I am excited too. I just want to see a heartbeat and I’ll feel better.

I’ve been keeping up with my walking which is good and I even went to the gym twice and rode the bike for 20 minutes each time. I havent gained any weight yet but my belly is really filling out. I know it is probably just bloat but one of the girls at work swears I am showing already.

Thats about it for now